this weekend i spent wayyyy too much money. like woah what are you doing erin. 1st there was karens baby present which was 35 bucks. then 40$ for beerlympics, then 11 for a movie i think, then 30 at the scholar, then another 40 after beerlympics. that was in no chronological order. i didnt even factor in the minor things like food in this situation. jeez man jeez. so appearently i dont spend all that money during the week and i just mash it all into the weekends. oh plus st pattys was this week oh god thats another 30 for the bar crawl + tips, then like another 25 at the scholar plus food items. i should just die, i am so noto putting the atm cash in the right category in my financial pages. they dont need to know, its my life!

anyway beerlympics. sat we did that damn thing. first was hypothermia where one person had to keep their hands in a bucket of icewater while the other 5 teammates chugged full cups of beer. RWH was the iceman while the 5 girls of team vag chugged beer. the girl we had to just have around was really slow, i actually managed to do it so i didnt feel terrible about myself. then we had icefalls or something. we had to balence a full cup of ice and water on our heads while drinking half a cup of beer through a straw. only one hand could spot you if your teammates were nice. thankfully we were,  plus none of us even really needed saving!! yayyyyy!!! after that was beerpong. since it was going on a while we had to cut out dizzy bat which is a damn shame… not really so much, im glad i suggested to the guy we should skip that and move to flipcup. needless to say i got pretty nicely toasty. i feel like i should have been more so but it was like 630 and i shouldnt be wasted that early…. i shouldnt right?

then we went to pat’s and met with rc, jc, wr, th, JS, and hsomething. i met S and his lady, then his brother. im glad we met with people just because if i didnt have social interactions i was gonna have to go home and sleep.

it was a solid day of about 12 hours of drinking (second time in a week holla).

oh also saw I love you man. i really enjoyed it. it made me laugh but i dont really remember some of the great little jokes. Rudd was awesome segal was awesome (cept that cardigan according to RWH).

the first night i commuted back home the second night i stayed with my friend and drank the rest of the absolut manderin +orange pinapple juice (which is delicious) then drank beer because a cerrtain someone left a lot in his fridge. like in college, its been left somewhere for more than 2 days and it is anyone’s to take. i only got about 5 hours of sleep giving me a distinct im fucking tired mood all day. when i got home i didnt even sleep until about 1. then i woke up at 1230, when i should have been up at 930 for the stupid fucking phlebotomy thing. i emailed the lady and hopefully i can still be an option. who knows. that really doesnt bode with with the parents im sure. anyway, i was just told that i havent updated in 8 days. looks whos updating now mr bald eagle????

ive been talking to my dear bff, hornet who is getting confused by one of the three musketteers. he brought up how he liked her, and now she reads into everything. i told panda that she was the one to get hurt probably. so i told her that she just has to talk to him and also prep herself for any possible answer coming from him: i want a relationship, i want to just be friends, i dont know what i want, i just want to fuck you. that last one i told her isnt really something i would imagine him doing. either way its kinda gonna be interesting to see how that pans out. 2 of your best friends. then there is the other musketteer,who keeps making comments that i blow off as we’re bff comments. he said we have to pretend to be bfgf to keep this other girl away from him, then that we are gonna get married to have our friend Swan to clear the dance floor with her thriller dance. its just little things like that. i went to a kids house and they started talking about bending a girl out a window and he kept apologizing to me as if ive never heard vile things like that. whatever. theres nothing more than a brotherly love for me.

so last night i went out with deer, panda came out after she got off work. first it was just deer and myself. we went to one place and waited for some of her friends to show up. i had a stoli blueberry and gingerale. then i had 4 beers. then panda came and we went to the clubby like place. i paid for a bracelet for open bar until 2 (matt and i went halfsies and i just got different drinks from different bartenders). i got sex on the beaches. alot of them. i had 4 doubles and a regular. needless to say i was fairly drunk for a while there. i danced up a storm. then i started dancing with coyote. i then asked him if he was still trying to get with the one girl he was talking to before. he said no i figured you would realize i was trying to talk to you. sooooooooo we kissed a lil. it was really strange. i was really drunk because i am not a PDA person at alllll i actually kinda hate it and i made sure not to go for anything really long. but panda and b.bear were making eyes at me. idk this is all really weird bc i know his ex and she works with panda and deer. idkidkidkidk alot of stuff happened last night it  was weird. i was out until after 4. deer had one friend come who brought his friend and she was talking to him all night he was kinda pulling her in and stuff then she found out that he had a girlfriend but wasnt wanting to be in a relationship with her anymore. i told her to tell him to come back when they break up and not to start shit. its not like she really was starting anything but it was strange. then deer and those people went to the 3rd bar but by the time we got there they werent letting people in we were just trying to talk to deer for a bit and wait for her to get ready to go. we tried to go in the side door but they caught us. then deer yelled at them and now she is banned for 2 weeks hahah that little nutcase. she called me after i was in bed to tell me that she was going to the diner. i was like noooo thank you. she was out until about 630. killlllerrr. right now i am fairly exhausted. i bought nailpolish so im gonna paint my toes in a little bit.

ive been super busy, aka either working or sleeping and not much else. oh laundry on my days off bc even with wearing scrubs most of my days i am producing large quantities of dirty clothes. tomorrow i am getting a hair cut and a gloss bc it is FREE! i actually just bought new shampoo and conditioner which makes my hair smell like raspberries and really really soft. i also got a new hair drier that dries my hair in 7 minutes which is a RECORD and completely awesome. im kinda thrilled about that. we’ll see how long it lasts with being a great thing for me. but i am in great need of a hair cut, ive been wanting one all summer but i dont know what i am gonna do yet. just as long as the bitch doesnt touch the bangs. they are not just under my lips when pulled down. idk if i want them so i will decide that on my own and when i hate them i can only blame myself haha. panda and i are going at the same time then we hopefully will go see pinapple express (pirate skulls and bones, sticks and stones and weed and bombs) which i am super excited for bc james franco is a hottie even as a dirty stoner. and then i work thurs and friday 3-11 but i will prob take the train to get in at around 1130 so i can get some more hours.
side bar i went to NY&Co and bought 3 shirts (one was 50%, one 60% and one 70% off) and now i am doing laundry i need to get rid of some of my clothes bc i have far too many. i also need to start eating better while at work. im getting to feel like shit and i feel its because of that.

i am so sick of planning some remote plans and then having them get squashed on bc of stupid shit. i understand when people get tired they dont want to go out but dont say that well i just ate and i am laying down watching tv now so im sleepy. thats not sleepy thats a simple case of itis. get your ass up and you will be fine once your stomach stops hogging all of your blood. this is the problem when one of us has to work later so by the time they get out everyone is like oh well im tired or something similar. im really emo like right now. im actively listening to Dashboard confessionals which i havent done since highschool on the morning bus bc it was relaxing enough to half sleep to. but dammit i cant even make a fun playlist bc im so irked. panda just told me to call deer back and tell her that she has to come but i wanted to be soooo unbelievably bitchy to her that i cant do it. i dont want to have an angry conversation with her. dammit why are girls so hard to deal with!!!???

this past weekend was kind of a bust. on friday i was suppose to go to pandas workplace with deer. however deer had gone to the doctor earlier and she was still not feeling well from that. so i went home and went to bed. i decided that if i didnt do something really fun on sat i was going to have a problem. so on sat i wanted to go out obviously. panda just wanted to go out to fridays to drink and have some food. i wasnt too happy but alright i figured we would just go out after. so we were in there around 1120 got out around 1230. then went to the norm bc b.bear came home and was there. i was pretty much bored the entire time. i drank 2 beers and they werent even enjoyable. around 2 they were like well we kinda wanna go, what are you gonna do? “oh dont worry guys i’ll be fine in a bar by myself with no friends, i’ll just stay here. aka not at all the case. we left at 230. i got home and was wide awake. which made me annoyed bc i didnt want to be sitting home alone being bored. but what else can i do. i need more friends, or better places to go. im in a sad little self loathing type of mood. when i spend all week traveling to work or sitting around work feeling alienated because everyone there knows eachother so well, i feel like i need to spend time with friends at home. on sunday i did nothing really and today, well today i painted door frames for mom so she can paint them during the week.

in slightly happier news, i am gonna use my green jcrew tote for work now instead of my mickey mouse bag. i know its a thrilling change!!! i am kind of exicted. i thought it was gonna be toooo big but it seems like it shouldnt be a huge problem. i also will be getting paid on thursday night. so thats gonna make my weekend. bald eagle and i will be going to eat on thursday evening. have a cocktail and a nice meal. gossip and have an allaround good time. it better be at least or i will kill him since we have had to reschedule about 5 times.

i watched Eli Stone. i liked it. enjoyable.

i dont know why i keep thinking about this guy. its not like i am ever seriously gonna see him again. i think im just in one of those he was so awesome i wanna see him again moods. he said he would try to get everyone to hang out some time. but cmon that aiint happening. ive found him on facebook even though its really not hard considering hes one of moose’s friends. i’m not friending him though, he knows my full name since he saw my ID card, i even told him how to pronounce my last name.

so on sat i went to Deer’s house as planned, the 3 musketeers came over as well as b.bear. it was going really well b.bear was getting over his jealousy with panda swimming with the 3 musketeers. he was doing very well. that is… until Deer told panda that b.bear was hitting on her. which was untrue and she didnt even remember saying it after panda went to yell at bbear. he stormed off and walked basically across town to go home. i told panda that he is not stupid enough to flirt with one of her friends. there is no way. i got home around 430. suddenly i got a call at 450. it was bbear. i talked to him on the phone for nearly an hour. he went from really angry to really upset to begging me to tell him what to do and back again. i was half asleep and telling him that i believed him and i didnt think he was stupid enough to do that. i told panda the next day that christina was rediculous and that she needs to talk to bbear about that. i also told deer that she owes b.bear a apology. like a huge one. i havent spoken to panda about that today i know she doesnt want to so i didnt push it. if she wants to talk about it she can tell me. they have a very strange relationship. if you cant execute the line “your boyfriend was hitting on me” as a joke with a wink and a mocking girlie voice then it shouldnt be said around either of them. deer was very drunk but ever since b.bear talked to me on the phone i have very little patience with her. everything he said was very true and i can understand why he feels that.

in other news how ridiculous is the pet meds story? how are we giving our animals antidepressants??? we cant diagnose that, we cant be like my dog is bipolar or has anxiety. thats just preposterous.

well that was one of the longest weeks ever but it flew by at the same time. i had 3 hours of down time each night before having to sleep at 10 so i could wake up at 5 to get on a 600 train, 2 hour train ride, then a 20 minutes subway and walk to the establishment. it was interesting all the same. the first 2 days i had to wear business casual. on monday i sat and did paperwork and computer training. i appearently finished in record time. i read Tuesday’s with Morrie on the train ride. just so you know, dont read a book that is really sad in a public place, not like i was hysterical but i needed to fight not to tear up. i read Chocolat between tuesday and wednesday. on tuesday i got there early and had moose show me how to do venipuncture and use a iv catheter to get blood on the fake arm. then back to the computer and kinda sitting around staring at everyone. on weds i got my picture taken for my ID card which allows me to get in and out of everything (i felt like a lost puppy without it bc i couldnt go anywhere without someone letting me around, which included the bathroom!!!) i wore scrubs and did a venipuncture on moose (first time ever doing this). the other kid training with me was NOT good at it, he went right through and hit a nerve. i did moose’s as perfectly as a first try could be. then i did it one a girl who really scares me and has a huge napoleon complex. she is itty bitty asian, and barks orders but she can be really nice, but takes what she does seriously. so i gave her a bruise. first she yelled at me bc she thought i was gonna stab her with the same needle twice, which i wasnt. and then when i was doing it on the other arm i was doing good then i couldnt get the tourniquet off and the needle came out of the vein and some blood went under her skin. in any account i wont be getting her to sign off on that puncture. on thursday, we got more training, and people basically talked to us more. we had another PA give us some direction on venipuncture and ecg’s so first i tried to take the other guys blood, his veins kept rolling or disappearing. with the needle in i like had a little search party and still couldnt find it. so i stopped then he did mine and on the first try he got my blood but my god it hurt soooo bad. i couldnt fully extend my arm the entire rest of the day and now it looks like this:
so on friday when i went into work everyone walked up to me and was like HOLY SHIT WHO DID THAT TO YOU?? i wont be letting them use me to practice on. yea so thats awesome haha. at least it doesnt hurt thatttt much, i just cant fold my arms in the usual. but on friday i shadowed a woman to learn how to do the blood draws. she was in charge of 2 guys, one was an older guy who was very clearly getting affected by meds. the other more than likely had a placebo. they were fun and i was taking blood out in the morning. i couldnt get the one guys bc his catheder was messed up. so after a quick bite for lunch i was in the processing room and he came in and they had to remove that one and tried to place another one. i felt sooo bad for him. he wouldnt look away and watched every single failed attempt. honestly he took it like a man bc after 2 i would have been like fuck this!!!! i watched them try 8 times my heart was going out the entire time. he was really cool though. we arent suppose to talk to the people but i couldnt help it he was just really cool. (kinda hot which is very off limit haha) we talked alot though and my day basically kinda flew by. then i went out with people. which was kind of a mistake bc i was so exhausted. i needed to get a 940 train so i didnt get home very late. but of course, like always i missed it. i was so pissed off. i had to wait for the next train to come in which was at 1140. so i wasnt even getting home until about 2. the entire time home i was miserably tired. i didnt get to sleep until about 3 which means i was up about 22 hours. also right before bed i got into a slight fight with lion about stupid shit and it shouldnt have even gotten either of us ticked. but i could tell he was and i knew i was. whatever i dont like hearing ill talk about people i actually enjoy. talk as much shit about people i dont like or im in a slight skirmish with. i was really tired so right after i just went to bed. i then woke up at 8am with a coughing fit which made my entire body ache. i ran downstairs and took the rest of the tussin. i then proceeded to go right back to sleep and now im feeling much better. my parents are at a baseball game and wont be back until later but i will be going over Deer’s house with panda to drink wine and possibly take a dip in her pool.

i went upstate with panda this week. had a great sleepover, made some good omlettes and then chicken then we went out to the olive garden. i had the chicken milanese. it wasnt that good, pretty salty and kind of bland… then panda and i drove past b. bears place to see if he was even there, which he was. he was being a little bitch though (as usual) he is really nice to me but hes not nice to panda which is fucking annoying. i met the puppy and he is kind of a little devil as panda said. i have scratches all up and down my legs. he just really needs training bc hes so young still. also needs a nail trim and a choke collar for walking. nearly dragged coyote down the front stairs haha. (which was kind of hilarious) in the few hours i was there with the baby, i got him to basically listen to me when i said sit or no if he tried to jump on me. basically… unless someone moved haha. they had a couch and since b.bear just got it from someones basement (that he didnt know, from his work [gotjunk?]) i didnt want to lean back on it, so after watching jumper, then 10000bc i sat in coyote’s chair when he took the baby for a walk, after that we talked a bit, shared a few little side smiles. it was cute. i felt bad though bc his grandpa is sick so i didnt really know how to act with that. so, i wanna go back soon. idk its hard bc i wouldnt expect to see him here, but i dont want to keep going back up and hope for a random possible night seeing him. dammit

so, recently i have been having weird dreams that i end up kissing mysterious dream guys. the first one was similar to my relationship with Coyote (this is the name of my first person in my first post). it wasnt actually him though. i remember in my dream we were talking and he said something about how he has tried before and doesnt want to get shot down again. i looked at him and apologized for all the crap ive done to him in the past. he was sitting on a couch in the middle of nothing really (it wasnt a room but it wasnt just empty space either), and i walked up to him and sat down next to him and kissed him. when i pulled back he had this goofy little smile on his face and i dont really remember anything else.

Last night/ this morning i had a dream that i was planning a party and had invited a bunch of people. we were on a big ol pirate like ship trying to get to my house. we stopped at a port and went into an aquarium. i kept trying to save these turtles and put them back in the right tanks but every time i tried to put the last one in there was always something that would kill it if i put it in (there was a net, and an orca at least). a weird man with big ears that was giving me a tour told me that i wasnt nimble enough. so then i jumped to where my party was and it just so happened to be my grandparents old house. i was in the living room with panda and a few other people and i was play fighting with this dream guy (he had curly brown hair thats all i remember). i accidentally kicked his knee too hard and we sat down on the floor. i kept apologizing and then he kissed me. suddenly a car pulled in and moose killed the moment.

in other news, an old friend just IMed me. three years ago we had a rather large fight and we havent spoken since. she asked me how i felt about her talking to me. the whole thing caught me off guard to be honest. i dont really understand what made her do it. panda and i both think it has something to do with her being bored since she isnt in school right now. She hopes that enough time has passed that we dont pretend the other doesnt exist. i am fine with that. we’ll see how this goes. maybe if she can be internet friends with me, we can maybe be public friends. not so much bffs again though.