i just never am comfortable when someone gives me a compliment or tells me that they like me. i just instantly become one of the most awkward human beings ever. unless i am a little drunk. then it depends on where the compliment is coming from. but thats not always the case. thankfully this weekend i feel like i managed to not be awkward. thank GOD bc that would just be silly and annoying amiright? hopefully it will go better than the last date. at least this time i know i can talk to him and i dont really have to go through that awkward hi i am 23, i went here, i graduated with this etc etc. i will eventually get better at that but like ive said before, i date people i know because of that. i am already comfortable with it.

In all seriousness, i am such a private person with that stuff. i’ve never been the one for PDA (i hate seeing other people make out in front of me so i wouldnt want to make someone else feel like that) i’ve really only been all PDA once and i was absolutely MORTIFIED the following day when i wasnt completely wasted. I dont like discussing who i like with people bc i’m too vulnerable feeling and even though i know i wont be, i dont want to be judged in any way.

i like small gestures.

i like private moments tucked away from others.

Last night i had a dream someone held my hand and i had butterflies.

like i am a 7 year old.

who has that kind of dream????

im just a completely bizarre 23 year old.

i’m one of those people who would have dealt fine in the world way back when it was pettycoats and umbrellas in the sun, with men trying to win my affections and holding hands was a scandalous affair. sometimes i just feel like i am part of a dying breed of female, one that doesnt sleep with people on first dates or second dates or even third dates. i am strickly monogamous and completely fine with that. i dont judge people for their own actions, just i dont like feeling that i dont belong because of it.

Tagged: Boys, Dream, Holding Hands, PDA ]]> http://andtothinkthatisawitonmulberrystreet.wordpress.com/2009/07/05/so-i-am-a-7-year-old/feed/ 0 epop http://andtothinkthatisawitonmulberrystreet.wordpress.com/2008/08/03/dos-dreams-and-bullshit/ http://andtothinkthatisawitonmulberrystreet.wordpress.com/2008/08/03/dos-dreams-and-bullshit/#comments Sun, 03 Aug 2008 23:29:03 +0000 epop http://andtothinkthatisawitonmulberrystreet.wordpress.com/?p=34 ]]>

on tuesday i had this one:

i was in a mansion with a bunch of people for a movie premier or something. it was a scary movie that the characters had no faces. they were “treated” for something as children and now were being tested on as adults. i got scared and so i went to the bathroom which turned into me walking out into a mall (that i have dreamed of before) and was walking around with swan. i couldnt remember where i parked my car. i walked outside and stood on the concrete of a light fixture to see if i could see the car somewhere. i sat down on a wall about chest height. while looking out i saw D.saurs and called him over. he was helping me find my car by drawing a map of the mall. then i got intomy car without them seeing me i drove back to where they were and another car pulls up with people from highschool. i hugged some of them and woke up.

and the other night

i had a dream about pandas “house” i went to visit and she had 2 panda bears, 2 brown bears and alot of dogs, one of which had no front legs. then after a little while of us being there it turned into a bar that had both baboon and coyote working at. coyote hated baboon and baboon didnt know. i didnt want to tell coyote that he was my ex boyfriend but he kept telling me how annoying baboon was etc.

so now im having more dreams about these guys. its all because i havent seen them in a while and then i either talked about them or i saw them. i bet. dammit. its really not like i like them. i dont want to like them so its the truth.

haha sure. anyway panda has open house this weekend. that will be nice considering we lost our bar to a knifing! how i love this town. we were there that night but were told that it was getting sketchy bc a guy was saying his friends were coming with re-enforcements. so we bounced at around 245. it really was a strange strange group of people there. not to sound terrible but there were alot of really ghetto guys and hispanic guys. so we went to mcdonalds then came back to the parking lot to finish eating. we left around 326 and apparently it happened minutes after we left. thank god. people in the bar were detained until 530 which would have sucked. earlier in the night we met some of deer’s friends, played beerpong with 3 random people from highschool, it was a kids bday so we saw a bunch of people, had this really old man mumble to us incoherently while panda got a beer (he should have been cut off hours ago. thank god i didnt have to use my newly acquired CPR) and saw only a few normally frequenting people, weiiirrrdddddd

so, recently i have been having weird dreams that i end up kissing mysterious dream guys. the first one was similar to my relationship with Coyote (this is the name of my first person in my first post). it wasnt actually him though. i remember in my dream we were talking and he said something about how he has tried before and doesnt want to get shot down again. i looked at him and apologized for all the crap ive done to him in the past. he was sitting on a couch in the middle of nothing really (it wasnt a room but it wasnt just empty space either), and i walked up to him and sat down next to him and kissed him. when i pulled back he had this goofy little smile on his face and i dont really remember anything else.

Last night/ this morning i had a dream that i was planning a party and had invited a bunch of people. we were on a big ol pirate like ship trying to get to my house. we stopped at a port and went into an aquarium. i kept trying to save these turtles and put them back in the right tanks but every time i tried to put the last one in there was always something that would kill it if i put it in (there was a net, and an orca at least). a weird man with big ears that was giving me a tour told me that i wasnt nimble enough. so then i jumped to where my party was and it just so happened to be my grandparents old house. i was in the living room with panda and a few other people and i was play fighting with this dream guy (he had curly brown hair thats all i remember). i accidentally kicked his knee too hard and we sat down on the floor. i kept apologizing and then he kissed me. suddenly a car pulled in and moose killed the moment.

in other news, an old friend just IMed me. three years ago we had a rather large fight and we havent spoken since. she asked me how i felt about her talking to me. the whole thing caught me off guard to be honest. i dont really understand what made her do it. panda and i both think it has something to do with her being bored since she isnt in school right now. She hopes that enough time has passed that we dont pretend the other doesnt exist. i am fine with that. we’ll see how this goes. maybe if she can be internet friends with me, we can maybe be public friends. not so much bffs again though.